Jessica Fernstrom7 Comments

The 7 Funniest One-Star National Park Yelp Reviews

Jessica Fernstrom7 Comments
The 7 Funniest One-Star National Park Yelp Reviews
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Zion National Park

“Never again. Scenery is grand and huge and up in the air and distant and impersonal. I got bored fast, and the 109° heat didn't help in the least. […] Inside the park we ate at the sit down restaurant. Salmon cakes were good. The taco bar incredibly boring but may be suited for kids.” 

…and that is just one of the hundreds of one-star National Park reviews that can be found on Yelp.com. Some of you are probably thinking: “A one-star review…for a National Park?!”. Believe me, we were thinking the same thing — And yes, they exist! Some of these reviews are shocking, some will make you laugh, and some will make you wonder why some people even visit National Parks at all. However, if you’re planning on visiting one any time soon, you should probably read these before heading out. According to these Yelpers, it’s not all gorgeous landscapes, towering waterfalls, and wildlife — there could be some seriously tough stuff you might have to endure! So before heading to the next National Park on your list, here are some of our favorite one-star Yelp reviews for you to enjoy.

*Disclaimer: We realize that some of these reviews may or may not be satirical (there’s no way to know for sure), but regardless, they’re hilarious and we just had to share them. Some people must really hate nature!

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The Grand Canyon

“Went to the Grand Canyon this past week and let me tell YOU it's a big ole waste of time! There was dirt EVERYWHERE and the hiking trail was too long! Also where are the vending machines?? And no where to charge my phone! It's way too deep to even see the bottom! The only thing that saved this trip where the crab enchilados we ate down the road at plaza Bonita, BEST MEXICO FOOD EVER! Grand Canyon more like grand blandyon!”

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Yellowstone National Park

“I couldn't wait to get back to New York from this uncivilized wilderness.  It's like a bigger version of Central Park, only with bears. There's no Starbucks for a hundred miles around.  No streetside falafel stands (the park ranger said something about bears tragically ending the first experiment).  They don't let you swim in the spa pools.  You can't throw your trash onto the street like NYC.  There's nowhere to get a pastrami on rye at 2AM.  It's worse than Hoboken! My buddy scheduled us for a stay at the "Madison" campground, which I assumed was a sister property of the Madison Hotel across from Grand Central Station.  Boy was I surprised!  We had to sleep in tents (with no housekeeping service (!!!)) and rough it out in the open.”

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Yosemite National Park

“Utterly horrible place. No McDonalds on every corner, no casinos or pawn shops anywhere in sight. Trees block views and too many grey rocks. No concierge or valet parking. Just forget about this place…”

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Badlands national Park

“So we left Yellowstone at midnight and drove overnight straight to Badlands. When we arrived my comment was "this is it?". Badlands is basically washed out hills of 50,000 year old mud. You have vast grasslands on one side, and old mud on the other. And the mud wasn't even differently colored layers or have any other redeeming qualities. It was brown.”

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Rocky Mountain National Park

“Way overrated. First of all there's wildlife everywhere - who wants to run into a moose on the trail? What if it eats you? And the rangers are all way too friendly. It's like they're completely oblivious to all the suffering in the world. Plus there's not a single Starbucks on any of the trail heads. Finally, too many snow capped mountains. I like to see the horizon at all times. It calms me.”

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